Note: This is a critique of a brochure promoting public classes at a boat-building shop. In addition to the recommendations below, we wrote detailed comments on the brochure itself, suggesting several revisions and improvements.

The client adopted many of our recommendations and produced a new brochure that attracted more customers. The client also implemented some of these suggestions in their revamped website.

Names and certain facts have been changed to protect client confidentiality.

Critique

Dear _____________:

Here are my comments and suggestions about the brochure. Additional comments are written in the brochure itself, which I've enclosed.

1. On the cover, delete the current quote with one that mentions both the benefit of creating a boat and the learning/bonding/fun aspect of the shop experience. The Mark Edwards quote (above your letter) will work better in its place.

2. The brochure needs a call to action. Put in an order form so that if a reader is interested, he or she can buy from you immediately. You can make room for a form on the back cover by moving the existing copy around (see comments on the brochure). Also, highlight your phone number.

3. To attract people who may be sitting on the fence ("boat building sounds fun, but I don't really need a boat"), talk about the other benefits of knowing how to build a boat, such as learning woodworking skills that they can apply to other projects around the house.

4. Add at least one more customer testimonial.

5. Tighten up copy in your letter and on the facing page. See the example below of "tightened-up" copy.

6. Bulleted points in your letter are good sales points. Bring them outside the letter, preferably to the facing page.

7. For those who want to build a boat on their own time, the course schedule should clarify which classes are "required."

8. Categorize classes as "beginner," "advanced," or "core," as the case may be. (Perhaps color-code them.) This will encourage novices and reassure experts.

9. Some of the benefits for women listed in the "Boatbuilding for Women" course description also apply to men who may not be experienced woodworkers. Summarize the benefits on the first page, where both women and men will read them.

10. Mention that all boats are built from computer-cut kits. There is no room for error. Every boat, no matter how inexperienced the builder, will float.

11. If you take credit cards, say so prominently.

12. You’ve made excellent use of photographs. Your product photos have nice, warm colors. They make your brochure, hence your shop, inviting. Some suggestions for photo subjects that will improve the effectiveness of the brochure:

• One of your boats in the water, with a student rowing it
• Adults and children working on full-size boats, not models of boats
• Kayaks, as they are your best sellers

Put a caption under each photograph.

13. On the cover, use one large illustration or photograph that will focus the reader’s attention. You have many good ones you can choose from.

14. Print the brochure on heavier, coated paper. It will look better and will improve your image.

15. Prepare a separate brochure or sales piece for the corporate market. This will allow you to:

• Highlight the raffle/auction and "display your handiwork" benefits
• List special pricing
• Customize classes

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Example of "Tightened-up copy"

Current brochure:

Building a traditional Half Hull Model

Each participant will construct a 13-1/2" catboat half hull model from precut components (lifts). There will be an introduction to half hull models, their purpose then and now, the lift method of construction, the use of profiles to shape the hull, pitfalls to avoid and, finally, suggestions for out-of-class finish applications. Hands-on activities include sanding and/or planing lifts to guide lines, gluing and clamping lifts, preparation of profiles and shaping the hull to specifications using chisel, rasps, planes and sandpaper.

(80 words)

Revision:

Building a Traditional Half Hull Model

Build a 13-1/2" catboat half hull model from precut components (lifts). We’ll introduce you to half hull models, their purpose, the lift method of construction, and pitfalls to avoid. Learn to sand and/or plane lifts to guide lines, glue and clamp lifts, prepare profiles and shape the hull to specifications using chisels, rasps, planes and sandpaper. Finally, we’ll suggest finishes you can apply after the class.

(66 words – 18% reduction)

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